By Kabelo Mollo
Mental health is a topic that rears its head every so often. It does so in my view because we as society don’t really get it. Because there isn’t a physical manifestation of the illness, we can’t see the person being sick, we don’t really grasp that he or she is not well.
Our responses to some people losing the battle with depression include comments like “but she was so beautiful and bubbly” or “he had just signed a lucrative deal” or “he was really popular and well liked, we thought he’d go on to have a successful career in x field”. We seem to associate depression with a feeling. It is I suppose, but it’s not that simple. Like alcoholism and drug abuse that are sicknesses that needed treatment and observation and support, so too depression.
This year alone our neighbours South Africa have lost two larger than life personalities to the beast that is depression. Two seemingly upwardly mobile, “together” well-loved successful people in Patrick Shai and Ricky Rick. The age gap between the two is instructive. Shai was almost 60 and lived a full life having had kids and even grandkids. He had travelled the world, seen the fall of apartheid and like many of his peers managed to eke out a living in a “free South Africa”.
While Rick grew up in a multiracial Mzansi, attending top schools which allowed him to hone and finesse his talents. Both were standard bearers in their respective fields, and both captivated audiences whenever they performed. The almost 60-year old Shai came as a shock to the general public because although we knew he’d battled with alcohol, and abuse and other demons I don’t think we realised that depression too was one such beast. Ricky Rick has spoken openly about his battle with the illness but it seemed like he was on top of it. Of course like any chronic illness it’s mostly managed. Not so much “cured”. And so for both to perish from it, we learn this is not an age thing. It isn’t generation specific.
Whenever a tragedy like these two in question unfold a couple of schools of thought emerge, there are those who will characterize the suicide as cowardice while others will feel the hurt because they Understand how remarkably brave it is to first fight the sickness but then ultimately take your own life.
There will be those who pass judgement (in full view of other depression sufferers) and those who pontificate about kindness and not knowing other peoples struggles. I spent all of yesterday on social media interacting with posts that sought us to be kinder to one another, sought us not to judge and a number of other well-meaning sentiments. The truth however, is that none of those well-meaning sentiments would have kept either Shai or Rick alive. They might have made life that much more bearable but the sickness would not have been cured by kindness.
I was having an uninformed conversation with somebody the other day trying to figure out how we close the generational chasm that exists between Millennials & Gen Zers. I say it was uninformed because we were just sharing feelings, none of us were qualified to make comment on the matter, be that as it may I was asserting that Millenials were raised by baby boomers who had it tough but got on with it, and who paid little regard to hardship and even less to feelings and emotions. It’s a broad generalisation I know but that is the gist of my boomer’s assessment. They prospered in spite of the circumstances.
So we millennials have taken many of those traits. Then there’s the Gen Z who seem to value emotion over everything. It seems they are defined by feels. The number of times you hear someone from that generation express their feelings is new to many of us. To be honest I’m impressed by it though I still don’t know how to react to it because, why can’t emotions be set aside in order for something to be completed? But my point is this in relation to the topic of the day, will this centering of emotion ultimately help or hinder mental health in the generation? Will they accept mental health as a mainstream issue or will it continue to be peripheral?
We know many sufferers of depression and other mental illnesses. We see them daily, and in some cases have no idea folks are fighting an ongoing battle. We have normal healthy interactions with them and are even friendly with others. It is for this reason we are shocked when we learn they have lost the battle and ended it all. I hope more will find the chronic treatment helpful, and more will emerge from the grip of this scourge. To the two protagonists I have written about, I wish them both eternal peace and their families healing. To the many other sufferers going through it alone, I urge you to hang in there. Speak to someone, get the necessary assistance and find a way to conquer. You are loved, stay shining.
